rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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