i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize