Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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