I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
