you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
