fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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