She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
