is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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