Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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