i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
