Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize