The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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