they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
