I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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