That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize