your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
