i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
