She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
