hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
