I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize