so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
