I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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