You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
