I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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