You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
