He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
