I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
