bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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