No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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