I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How's work?
Spinning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
