Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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