One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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