Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
