3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
