you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
