he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
