"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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