dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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