Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
