does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
