If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
