I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
