Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize