I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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