So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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