someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
