her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
