i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
