im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
