i will never coherently bang her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
