Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize