Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Let's get the cat blown out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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