Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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