I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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