the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
