Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
