Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
