I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
