reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
