Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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