Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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