when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just found a bag of teeth...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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