so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize