Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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