i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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