lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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