He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
