There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
