Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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