Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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