so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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