Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
