she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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