He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
