Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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